Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Six Days Out

 I'm six days out from my surrendering (yet again) to the fact that my body doesn't metabolize carbs like an average person.  That doesn't mean that I can't eat any carbs.  It just means I can't eat any carbs that are "refined" (i.e. have no fiber/roughage connected).  In other words, 90% of the carbs I eat need to have either fiber or fat connected.

I know, I know.  It sounds totally like anarchy or blasphemy from all the scientific studies and theories to say that fat is a bonus to me, but I can't help it.  I've tried for 30 years to make fats the culprit and pare them down, meanwhile eating refined carbs like average people--in moderation, just once in a while, etc.--but I can't do it.  Try as I might.  They cause me just about every symptom that alcohol causes an alcoholic (just on a toned-down scale) . . . and then some.

They cause me to crave them--the more of them I eat, the more I want.  To an alcoholic, one drinks too many and a hundred isn't enough.  To an carboholic like myself, one bite of refined carbs is too much and a whole batch of cookie dough or pan of brownies or loaf of bread isn't enough.  The more I eat those kinds of foods, the more I want of them.

Vegetables, even fruits, I can eat in moderate quantities, walk away, and never look back until the next time I'm genuinely hungry.  But not so with breads (pretty much all kinds--even ww) or anything with wheat or sugar.  Those things are like hard liqueur to me.  And things like potatoes and other grains are very slippery slopes for me.  I have to be very honest with myself about them and eat them with great respect--because it takes very little to push me over the edge into the "strange mental blind spot" the AA guys wrote about.  "Oh, just a little bit won't hurt."  Right?  Not for me.  And 30 years of trying to ignore that fact is long enough.

Oh yes, and fats?  I seem to be able to eat all the fat I want within reason.  I mean I can't eat it by the pound or by the quart, but I lose weight consistently without having to worry about measuring it.  My body seems to let a lot of it slip on through for some reason.  Meanwhile, my body holds onto every stinking calorie I ingest in the form of starchy, sugary carbs.

Six days out isn't much, but I can feel the fog clearing in my brain.  I can feel the arthritis letting up in my joints.  I can feel why it is that OA has the old slogan, "NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS ABSTINENCE FEELS."  I'd just make a slight tweek to that slogan, "Nothing tastes as good (or as sweet) as deliverance feels."

©2010 Colleen C. Harrison

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